"And that, my dear,
is the key to happiness", she said as I looked at her in the mirror. I was
stumped. My subconscious mind was giving me a different answer from what I
had heard so far from other people.
I started this exercise few weeks back trying to understand what happiness truly means? I reached out to family, friends and few people that I barely knew. Some of the responses that I received were-
Happiness is my baby/child
Happiness is spending time with my loved ones
Happiness is beautiful memories
Happiness is being in the midst of nature
Happiness is traveling
Happiness is being adventurous
Happiness is exercising
Happiness is shopping
Happiness is a spa day
Happiness is sleeping/ lazing around
Happiness is having chicken biriyani
Happiness is reading an interesting book that you can't seem to put down
Happiness is learning something new
Happiness is winning
Happiness is a good job/ promotion
Happiness is money
Happiness is comforts
Happiness is luxury
Happiness is buying a house
Happiness is owning a Maserati Ghibli
For some people simple things in life make them happy, while for others it is more materialistic. All these responses made absolute sense to me because they all result in a good feeling (either the warm tingly kind or the adrenaline rush) that you get when you have/own/do something. In other words, it is a state of mind.
Now what my inner voice had just told me was something I couldn't grasp. She said that - Happiness is having zero expectations, none at all, zilch. I wondered- Is it even possible to have no expectations in life? The more I thought about it, I felt really sad. You wouldn't have anything to look forward to, nothing to challenge yourself against, no ambitions, no desires, no wishes, no excitement, no spark… Wouldn't that just make you a miserable and depressed individual?
Later that day, I sat down and pondered over why 'no expectations equals to happiness'? And then it all became clear to me.
If you have no expectations you will just live in the moment. You will not dwell in the past or worry about the future - all your energy and focus will be on the present; and you can enjoy the 'NOW'!
Who is your worst critic - the one who doubts you can do it, the one who points out your faults to you? It's none other than YOU indeed. Always give it your BEST but stop setting unrealistic expectations and measuring yourself against impractical standards, then automatically in your mind every tiny thing you accomplish will translate to success. Be kind and forgive yourself if you fail - believe that there will be a next time.
Now in relationships be it with a significant other or a friend or an acquaintance, there is a certain level of expectation that one tends to have - depending on the relationship it can be major or minimal. This could be based on your upbringing, values, past experiences, preconceived notion of how things ought to be. For a moment think about this - if you remove that component of expectation out of the equation, then disappointment, hurt feelings and anger will vanish. As a matter of fact, no good deed will go unnoticed and positive gestures will act as a bonus for you. This will eliminate criticism and negativity from your dictionary and enable you to appreciate people.
You will be able to stop blaming God for anything and everything that doesn't meet your expectations and instead you will be content with whatever you have and grateful for your blessings.
I told myself - "Wow, all this does sound honky dory and good on paper but how easy is this in reality?"
The wise me smiled and said "Happiness is a choice that you have to make every single day. Of course, the 90-10 principle applies here. There will be exception cases when everything is out of your control and things just happen to you. But for the most part, understanding that the outcome depends on how you respond will have a profound impact on your life. So say the serenity prayer and take the steering wheel of your life back in your hands."
And together we prayed -
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference"
I started this exercise few weeks back trying to understand what happiness truly means? I reached out to family, friends and few people that I barely knew. Some of the responses that I received were-
Happiness is my baby/child
Happiness is spending time with my loved ones
Happiness is beautiful memories
Happiness is being in the midst of nature
Happiness is traveling
Happiness is being adventurous
Happiness is exercising
Happiness is shopping
Happiness is a spa day
Happiness is sleeping/ lazing around
Happiness is having chicken biriyani
Happiness is reading an interesting book that you can't seem to put down
Happiness is learning something new
Happiness is winning
Happiness is a good job/ promotion
Happiness is money
Happiness is comforts
Happiness is luxury
Happiness is buying a house
Happiness is owning a Maserati Ghibli
For some people simple things in life make them happy, while for others it is more materialistic. All these responses made absolute sense to me because they all result in a good feeling (either the warm tingly kind or the adrenaline rush) that you get when you have/own/do something. In other words, it is a state of mind.
Now what my inner voice had just told me was something I couldn't grasp. She said that - Happiness is having zero expectations, none at all, zilch. I wondered- Is it even possible to have no expectations in life? The more I thought about it, I felt really sad. You wouldn't have anything to look forward to, nothing to challenge yourself against, no ambitions, no desires, no wishes, no excitement, no spark… Wouldn't that just make you a miserable and depressed individual?
Later that day, I sat down and pondered over why 'no expectations equals to happiness'? And then it all became clear to me.
If you have no expectations you will just live in the moment. You will not dwell in the past or worry about the future - all your energy and focus will be on the present; and you can enjoy the 'NOW'!
Who is your worst critic - the one who doubts you can do it, the one who points out your faults to you? It's none other than YOU indeed. Always give it your BEST but stop setting unrealistic expectations and measuring yourself against impractical standards, then automatically in your mind every tiny thing you accomplish will translate to success. Be kind and forgive yourself if you fail - believe that there will be a next time.
Now in relationships be it with a significant other or a friend or an acquaintance, there is a certain level of expectation that one tends to have - depending on the relationship it can be major or minimal. This could be based on your upbringing, values, past experiences, preconceived notion of how things ought to be. For a moment think about this - if you remove that component of expectation out of the equation, then disappointment, hurt feelings and anger will vanish. As a matter of fact, no good deed will go unnoticed and positive gestures will act as a bonus for you. This will eliminate criticism and negativity from your dictionary and enable you to appreciate people.
You will be able to stop blaming God for anything and everything that doesn't meet your expectations and instead you will be content with whatever you have and grateful for your blessings.
I told myself - "Wow, all this does sound honky dory and good on paper but how easy is this in reality?"
The wise me smiled and said "Happiness is a choice that you have to make every single day. Of course, the 90-10 principle applies here. There will be exception cases when everything is out of your control and things just happen to you. But for the most part, understanding that the outcome depends on how you respond will have a profound impact on your life. So say the serenity prayer and take the steering wheel of your life back in your hands."
And together we prayed -
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference"
Happiness without expectations is a rather tricky concept to grasp. Having no expectation is what Buddha taught us. Often people have questioned whether Buddhists are ambitious. To me happiness means many things. Being at peace with oneself is one of them. Being at the right place at the right time is another. But to attain that level of peace for me my expectations must be met. It is true that when expectations aren't met happiness turns into sorrow. But having no expectations at all is something I find impossible to practice. I feel that even when we think we don't expect things from others we are. Even the most "enlightened" people in my opinion have expectations. We expect people to behave to us in some particular manner. We expect our life to be in a particular way etc. etc. And any deviation from this ideal that we set is often discomfiting. Perhaps you are right and that the way to focus on the present is having no expectations at all. I am not sure though.
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