In Pursuit of Happiness

"And that, my dear, is the key to happiness", she said as I looked at her in the mirror. I was stumped. My subconscious mind was giving me a different answer from what I had heard so far from other people.

I started this exercise few weeks back trying to understand what happiness truly means? I reached out to family, friends and few people that I barely knew. Some of the responses that I received were-

Happiness is my baby/child
Happiness is spending time with my loved ones
Happiness is beautiful memories
Happiness is being in the midst of nature
Happiness is traveling
Happiness is being adventurous
Happiness is exercising
Happiness is shopping
Happiness is a spa day
Happiness is sleeping/ lazing around
Happiness is having chicken biriyani
Happiness is reading an interesting book that you can't seem to put down
Happiness is learning something new
Happiness is winning
Happiness is a good job/ promotion
Happiness is money
Happiness is comforts
Happiness is luxury
Happiness is buying a house
Happiness is owning a Maserati Ghibli

For some people simple things in life make them happy, while for others it is more materialistic. All these responses made absolute sense to me because they all result in a good feeling (either the warm tingly kind or the adrenaline rush) that you get when you have/own/do something. In other words, it is a state of mind.

Now what my inner voice had just told me was something I couldn't grasp. She said that - Happiness is having zero expectations, none at all, zilch. I wondered- Is it even possible to have no expectations in life? The more I thought about it, I felt really sad. You wouldn't have anything to look forward to, nothing to challenge yourself against, no ambitions, no desires, no wishes, no excitement, no spark… Wouldn't that just make you a miserable and depressed individual?


Later that day, I sat down and pondered over why 'no expectations equals to happiness'? And then it all became clear to me.

If you have no expectations you will just live in the moment. You will not dwell in the past or worry about the future - all your energy and focus will be on the present; and you can enjoy the 'NOW'!

Who is your worst critic - the one who doubts you can do it, the one who points out your faults to you? It's none other than YOU indeed. Always give it your BEST but stop setting unrealistic expectations and measuring yourself against impractical standards, then automatically in your mind every tiny thing you accomplish will translate to success. Be kind and forgive yourself if you fail - believe that there will be a next time.

Now in relationships be it with a significant other or a friend or an acquaintance, there is a certain level of expectation that one tends to have - depending on the relationship it can be major or minimal. This could be based on your upbringing, values, past experiences, preconceived notion of how things ought to be. For a moment think about this - if you remove that component of expectation out of the equation, then disappointment, hurt feelings and anger will vanish. As a matter of fact, no good deed will go unnoticed and positive gestures will act as a bonus for you. This will eliminate criticism and negativity from your dictionary and enable you to appreciate people.

You will be able to stop blaming God for anything and everything that doesn't meet your expectations and instead you will be content with whatever you have and grateful for your blessings.

I told myself - "Wow, all this does sound honky dory and good on paper but how easy is this in reality?"

The wise me smiled and said "Happiness is a choice that you have to make every single day. Of course, the 90-10 principle applies here. There will be exception cases when everything is out of your control and things just happen to you. But for the most part, understanding that the outcome depends on how you respond will have a profound impact on your life.  So say the serenity prayer and take the steering wheel of your life back in your hands."

And together we prayed -
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference"

Birthday Musings

He asked, 'Ah! What's so special?
Nothing great about birthdays Sheetal..
Never celebrated it before,
Not even when I was four!'

She remembered her birthday memories ,
Such a happy childhood with no worries.
'Aww' she thought 'for his next birthday,
Will surprise him and make him smile.. Yay!'

For months she planned,
And wanted to make it grand,
Finally so special he felt on that day,
Overjoyed to see everything that she organized from May!

But few months later he said the same thing ,
'I don't like cakes, why celebrate and sing?'
Oh! all the positive feelings started to melt,
'Had he forgotten how good he felt?'

Birthdays & anniversaries,
Why did she love these?
Thought and pondered,
Racked her brains and wondered .

Finally she turned to God and asked ,
'Am I silly to celebrate each year that has passed?'
HE said 'it is a milestone in your life, my dear,
So celebrate life and each day without fear.

Be thankful and grateful,
For life is so beautiful,
And enjoy it while it lasts,
As each day will just go by so fast!'

Walking through the storm

Pain… Anxious ... Sick… Sad... Angry...
Pain… Anxious ... Sick… Sad... Angry...
Pain… Anxious ... Sick… Sad... Angry...

This cycle pretty much summed up how I was feeling that particular day and for the most part of 2012. It is bizarre how the mind can feel a multitude of negative emotions and yet be fully functional. Kelly Clarkson's song 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' was playing on the radio and I wondered 'Why, oh why was I feeling weaker by the day?'

My life had just taken a U- turn. Everything was topsy-turvy. I felt completely broken and shattered. My health was going downhill and my eyes were burning constantly like I had already cried a lifetime's worth of tears. Yes, tough times and stress in your personal life can do all this and much more to you! 

People I considered as friends started ignoring me. Perhaps they thought I would depend on them - which I would never ever have! An occasional phone call to see how I was holding up would have been nice. New acquaintances became like family trying to encourage me to come out of my shell. They brought back the music lover in me. Amma & Achan (My parents), Ammamma (my granny), Auntyna (my aunt), close extended family members, a handful of best friends, and few colleagues became my strong emotional support system. Then there was this other category of people that I was not close to but would speak kindly to me whenever they met me. Life is strange - it puts you through trials and tribulations just to teach you very valuable and important lessons. When I was little, Ammamma used to say ‘Don't count the number of friends by the ones who laugh with you when you are happy, make room for those who will wipe your tears when you are sad’. I never really grasped the meaning of these wise words until reality struck me. Through this whole ordeal, I realized who my true friends are and who really matters.

Days passed by, and though I poured all my energy into my work, I started feeling like I needed something to look forward to in addition to my professional life. Something apart from my career - that would challenge me and help me prove my worth to myself! I racked my brains and pondered over my options. I thought about how passionate M (my manager then) was about running. She would tell us about the races that she took part in and upon request showed me some of the medals that she had won. ‘Ah! The wonderful bling! A Half Marathon! That is it!!’, I thought. When I discussed this with M, she said it was a great idea and encouraged me. Her next race was the Nationwide Children's Hospital Columbus Half Marathon. I googled about the race and realized that the fundraising was for a good cause, so I decided this was going to be the 'One'! M told me the best way to train was to join a group and suggested MIT - Marathoners In Training. Since all this was so new to me, she took me to Dicks Sporting Goods and Fleet Feet for my running gear...

I was excited and filled with positive thoughts...

Sign up for the race - check

Join MIT - check

New shoes - check

Sweat pants and t-shirt - check

I was all set to do my first half marathon! Wait- I spoke too soon... Didn't I have to get up from the couch, pick my feet up and actually run?

The following Saturday I went to a trail near my apartment and started running. It wasn't that bad. I checked my watch - Whaaat?? Just 30 seconds and I was already breathless... Walked for 10 minutes and I was done!

I could hear voices inside my head taunting me. ‘You and running?!? Seriously - You have never walked even 200 meters in your life, then how are you ever going to walk 13.1 miles? It's not too late to STOP!!!’ I thought to myself – ‘Yes that's right - I have never been into sports or fitness... Who am I kidding? Walking is not for me!’ Feeling dejected I called my parents. They just said few words – ‘We are sure you can do it... Go For It!’ Their belief in me, their encouragement and moral support boosted my confidence and I was back in the game!

In the months that followed, due to the personal turmoil that I was going through, I couldn't focus on training and had walked only up to 6.5 miles in one go. It was October already and I seriously considered backing out, but there was a tiny fire inside me that was still burning despite the harsh winds...

Race day was finally here. I got up feeling nervous and second doubted myself. I just prayed to God and decided to show up at the venue and leave the rest to HIM... After reaching my designated corral, I was amazed to see the sheer number of participants...the energy... the crowd... the music... Everything seemed so surreal! I started feeling the adrenaline rush through me and then there was no looking back...

Every mile there was a sick child cheering us, tiny two - three year old kids who had gone through major surgeries. I could feel a lump in my throat and emotions rushing through me as I gave one of the kids a high five and he smiled so sweetly in return. That's when it hit me - people go through unfortunate situations, suffering and bad phases; you can pray for God’s grace and blessings but sometimes for no reason bad things happen to good people. Life is so unpredictable, anything can happen to anyone at any time! And you will understand the pain only when you experience it first-hand.

The first five miles were tolerable, but there were still miles and miles to go... I just kept repeating to myself ’Do not Quit’. By the ninth mile I was so exhausted, my legs were so sore, my feet were so numb and I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore. I started to breakdown and I couldn't accept that I had come this far to fail. Having no PR (personal record) in mind, I just wanted to finish. With every step that I took, I tried to stamp all the negative energy, emotions and everything that had happened in my life that year! Before I knew it, I could see the finish line... The next few moments happened real quick. I just remember hearing loud music, seeing a big crowd waving and then feeling overwhelmed, overjoyed and truly victorious when I received the medal... I couldn't believe it! I actually DID IT!!!

That night in retrospect, I realized that though this race was a grueling test of my physical and mental endurance, it was the best gift that I could give myself. As a result of the struggle, a stronger new ME was born... Welcome Sheetal 2.0!